Why Are You Single?

Ok, so to answer the question I’ve been asked for the last 5 years…..WHY ARE YOU SINGLE?!

I used to absolutely HATE this question…. I literally wanted to slap everyone who asked me this.

Hopefully, by the end of this blog post you’ll understand why I am. Five years ago, I left my ex-boyfriend. It was a very bad relationship. Of course, not every moment was bad. But, as a whole, it was a bad relationship. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t love myself, I didn’t value myself. Because of these things, I allowed someone else to treat me the way I felt about myself, like I was worthless. It was toxic and it took me a long time to admit that I went through abuse. Coming out of something like that, I didn’t want to date at first. I wasn’t bitter, I blamed myself for a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I was very scared around men. I’m glad I didn’t just hop into another relationship. I would’ve probably driven another man insane with my suspiciousness, lack of vulnerability, and unhealed wounds. I took the time I needed to learn to love myself, forgive myself, and met some really cool men without the pressure of a relationship. That took about 2 years to be completely honest.

By that time, I was now out of undergrad. So the amount of men I met on a daily basis now dwindled. But here’s the thing: now that I knew who I was in Christ, I didn’t want just any guy.

I don’t care about a man making a ton of money, I don’t make a ton of money. I already talked about attraction in the blog post Pretty Eyes, so you know where I stand on that.

I want a man whose life is centered on Christ. Someone who will love me as Christ loves the church. Someone who pursues purity. Someone kind and compassionate. Someone I can grow with and support their passions as they support mine. Someone whose life goals, purpose, and calling match mine. Someone with a sense of humor!

I don’t just list these things, I strive to also be these things for whoever that man is. I know I’ll have some people say "well good luck looking for that"! I get it, this world has made these qualities seem elusive and that’s why women put up with so much garbage and give away their bodies in hopes of being loved. I’m often told, waiting for a guy like this will keep you single forever. I don’t believe that, but that threat seems kinda….empty.

Being single forever is not the worst thing in life. I’ve cried 100x more tears in two and a half years of a bad relationship because I couldn’t wait, than in the five years of being single. Trust me, it was never worth it and I don’t think settling again ever will be.

So there you go, why am I single?

Because I wanna be, and someone is gonna have to be pretty amazing to change my mind.


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