Insecure


You’re not good enough.

Not pretty enough.

Outgoing enough.

Not enough.

These are the thoughts that can rage through my head. They’re not from God, they’re pure evil that keep me from actually being everything God intends for me to be. I don’t really remember when they started, but I kept them to myself and these thoughts made complete sense to me. I didn’t even realize how dumb they were until I vocalized them. But by then they had become ingrained in my thinking, so even when people told me it was nonsense, those thoughts that were hard to shake. In fact, I thought I had gotten over this insecurity thing already until I started writing Bloom and recording Blooming. I constantly wanted to perfect my voice, perfect the song, perfect everything. To be honest, I'm not much of a crier, but I've probably cried at least once a week, because I was confronting all those "enough" insecurities inside of me. I struggled with being transparent enough to share some of my journey in Bloom, I struggled to know if my writing was good enough, and then I struggled with thinking my voice sounded horrific. At every new challenge, I was letting my insecurities halt me.

I once heard a scientist, Dr. Caroline Leaf say that our thoughts are like trees. I stopped and realized I had built a tree mentally that was diseased. It took a while, but I have begun the work of chopping down that tree and rooting out every part of it.

Now every day I recite new thoughts.

God has declared me good.

God made me in an intentional and beautiful way.

God has given me boldness when necessary and wisdom to stay quiet when needed.

God has told me I am a masterpiece, more than a conqueror, a heiress, a daughter, a friend, he says he sings over me, numbers each hair on my head.

Notice how my new thoughts start with God’s opinion of me rather than my own or even someone else’s?

Why?

Because his is the only one that matters.

#insecurities

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