The feeling of incompletion has led to a lack of confidence a lot of times.
But over time, I've realized that I am confident. I am confident when I am 100% myself. Because I can do that. I am good at being myself. I am not good at being someone else. I am not good at trying to be what I think someone else wants me to be or sometimes what they tell me they want me to be. I am not good at being society’s expectations.
Unfortunately, too many times I find myself hoping to be something or someone other than my true authentic self. I think I’ll be more attractive, more likeable, if I am more this way or that way. Picking apart myself is what tears away at my confidence. When I am alone, when I am with my family, when I am with my close friends, I have never felt the need to be anything other than myself. Maintaining my confidence I’ve found is being 100 % confident that God has made me exactly how I was meant to be. It’s something I have to remind myself everyday, sometimes multiple times, when I am in a new social setting, when I am with a guy I hope will like me, when I feel intimidated by a crowd of people.
But even confidence in myself is not enough, because it's still focused too much on SELF.
John Piper said, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” I’m not sure how glorified God has been in me because most of that time I’m not most satisfied in him. I would think, I’ll be complete when I have the degree I want, when I get the car I want, when my career is established, when I’m married, when I have kids, it’s always something else that I think will complete me.
It’s a lie.
I’m complete in God and him alone. Learning each day to be satisfied in him and him alone, has been the most beautiful endeavor of my life. Never have I had this much peace and reassurance. I’m not anxious about tomorrow, next month or next year. I no longer feel the sting of rejection when a guy doesn’t like me, when I don’t get the job, when book sales drop, I’m satisfied in him. I’m complete in him.