“Fear has a long shadow, but he himself is small”- Ruth Gendler
Oh man, have allowed fear to overstay his welcome in my life. I should’ve never welcomed him in to begin with. He wasn’t paying rent and eating up all the food and resources! Fear gained such a foothold that I would fear things that there was no evidence of it even happening. Even with perfect health, I feared getting sick. With a wonderful fiancé who has embraced everything about me, the good and bad; and DAILY showed me support, love, and devotion (he’s amazing for real ya’ll). I feared that he would one day he would get tired of me and leave. I feared going back to school to do my PhD, I feared financial hardship, I feared walking in my calling, I feared I wasn’t worthy of leading worship, I feared not being able to have children one day. Literally, the only thing I didn’t fear was doing reckless stuff like going on crazy rollercoasters, sky diving, and ziplining. LOL.
But, in my continual process of letting go, I realized I had to let go of this monster the most. I had to do it for me and for the generations that will come after me. I would never walk into my calling if I didn’t let go of fear. I would never be a good wife, if I didn’t let go of fear. I would never be a good mom, if I didn’t let go of fear. In fact, I wouldn’t be healthy enough to do any of these things considering that most of our illness can be linked to our cells going haywire due to stress which leads to an abundance of bad habits such as unhealthy eating. In Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus himself gives us a reminder to not worry, worry is a form of FEAR. Anxiety is FEAR. Fear of not being able to CONTROL. He reminds us that we have a father who knows our needs and provides for us. My fear was vividly showing that I didn’t truly know God. Cause if I knew him, I would TRUST him. So, I’ve been and continue to spend more and more time knowing God daily. Every time my heart tells me to fear, I jump right into the word. Because while fear has a long shadow, he’s small, but God is BIG. Much bigger than anything I can fear.